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I’m a woman in my late 50s and I work part-time. My husband, who is in his 60s, has had mental health issues for over a decade. He has been particularly unwell for the past seven or eights years and has been in and out of the hospital.
I traveled back and forth to the hospital while working and taking care of my children. It was extremely stressful.
My husband retired two years ago, and about a year ago, he fell into a coma as a result of pulmonary aspiration. He lost 20 kilograms. I thought he was going to die.
Although he still suffers visual and auditory hallucinations, his condition has recently im-proved, so his doctors have suggested he consider leaving the hospital.
However, I’ve gotten used to life with him in the hospital and don’t want to go back to my life before his hospitalization. My adult children have also gotten used to not having their father around.
My husband is an extremely proud man, and before he was hospitalized, I considered getting a divorce. I can’t live with my husband, who couldn’t do anything when I needed him. I’m dreading the thought of him possibly coming home.
B, Osaka Prefecture
Dear Ms. B:
This is a very heavy matter to deal with. Patients staying at psychiatric hospitals for a long period of time has become a problem in society, so being able to be discharged should be a positive thing.
However, how does a long absence affect a family? In reality, there are many problems occurring, such as divorce, and I now realize we have been ignoring these issues, saying they are just family problems.
But please don’t worry. Reintegrating into society is not easy for anyone, so the hospital will probably tell you what kind of support your husband might need after he is discharged.
Some hospitals might recommend day services, home nursing services and self-help groups for people with mental health issues. There are also group homes for people who have been discharged from hospitals where they can receive support from specialists.
When it comes to supporting your husband, this is not a situation in which you and your family can get through alone, so do not think you have to do everything by yourself. You’ve done enough already. From now on, please learn how to rely on others.
Just because your husband is discharged, it does not necessarily mean that life will go back to how it was before he was hospitalized. To borrow the words of Hisao Nakai, a psychiatrist who dealt with many patients, your husband has “accomplished the great task of receiving treatment.”
Why not first give him some praise for his efforts, rather than being constrained by conventional wisdom? I believe you still have time to think about a divorce later.
