I’m Worried My Children Aren’t Interested in Marriage Because of Me

The Yomiuri Shimbun

12:07 JST, January 26, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female public servant in my late 50s. My husband and I both worked and have three children, but I did most of the childcare.

My husband, his workplace, my parents-in-law and my parents all pressured me to quit my job and focus on housework. My male boss once scolded me, telling me not to ask my coworkers for too much help just because I had children.

I was lonely in raising children, and my children were difficult at times, so I spoke harshly when scolding them.

My husband, who was very strict, passed away six years ago due to an illness. Not long before he died, he realized the hardships I had been through and how hard I had to work. Looking back, I’m grateful for his help.

Now, my children are all grown and seem carefree, and we get together on my birthday. However, they’re all single.

Maybe they’re not interested in getting married or having children because they were raised by a mother like me. I want my children to live happily even if they sometimes butt heads with their partners. I want them to experience both the joys and hardships of raising children.

I’m worried about them. Please give me some advice.

— U, Saitama Prefecture

Dear Ms. U:

You’re still in your 50s.

You have had moments of hardship as well as regret while raising your children and working at the same time. Your three children are all independent adults, but your one concern is that they’re all single.

It’s too early to spend the rest of your life worrying about it.

Why don’t you view it as your second time being a single woman and think about what you want to do, while also continuing to work. Is there anything you wanted to do, but couldn’t because you were too busy working and raising children?

I know people who started taking ballet lessons or visiting museums after their children became independent. It’s also a good idea to get certifications so you can get a new job after retiring. You might make a new friend or boyfriend in the process.

It may be difficult at times, but if you can get through them, you’ll be able to turn them into joy. You’re someone who can do that.

You don’t have to worry about your children. It’s just a coincidence that they’re not getting married. It’s not your fault.

I think it’s better for you to show your children that you’re living a happy life.

— Masahiro Yamada, university professor