My Childhood Bully is Now My Coworker, Still Harassing Me

The Yomiuri Shimbun

12:45 JST, January 5, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female civil servant in my 20s. There was a staff reshuffle at my workplace, and I ended up being placed in the same office as a woman who bullied me during elementary school.

Back then, she would loudly call me “gross” so that everyone could hear. At one point, the school had a problem with graffiti on the walls and started searching for the culprit. She pointed at me in front of everyone and said, “Could it be her?”

I was also struggling with issues at home at the time and as a result was unable to attend all three years of junior high school. This means I hadn’t seen her since elementary school.

When I first saw my childhood bully at work, she acted like nothing had happened and greeted me with a smile. However, more recently, she has been belittling me.

She assumes I’m incompetent at work. Whenever I make a mistake, she makes disparaging remarks like “Not her again.” That kind of behavior frustrates me because sometimes I quietly cover for her mistakes.

I try to tell myself that “she just hasn’t grown as a person.” However, it’s becoming increasingly difficult.

I’ve shared with the people at my workplace that she bullied me at school. I’m considering filing a request for a transfer, but I’m worried I won’t be able to hold on until then.

N, Fukushima Prefecture

Dear Ms. N:

It’s heartbreaking to hear that you’ve been forcibly reunited with your childhood bully at work and that she’s continuing to belittle and harass you.

You are generous and admirable, because you’re behaving as though nothing has happened between the two of you even though she is treating you unreasonably. It is also commendable that you have covered for her mistakes without telling her.

Since you have nothing to be blamed for, you should continue to behave with dignity and ignore her bullying, just as you are doing now.

In reality, however, it’s not that easy. If things carry on like this, you will reach your limit mentally and physically.

To protect yourself, I strongly recommend that you immediately request a transfer in order to distance yourself from her.

It might seem unfair on you, the victim, to have to leave when you’ve done nothing wrong and don’t otherwise feel unhappy about your current work environment. However, it should be viewed as an emergency measure to safeguard your mental and physical well-being.

Additionally, I encourage you to report her unjust behavior to the relevant office at your workplace or the appropriate personnel. While this may not directly protect you, it could prevent future victims from facing the same mistreatment.

You’ve grown into a resilient and capable individual, overcoming the experience of missing out on three years of junior high school. I hope you can channel that strength and energy into your work and personal life so you can thrive even further.

I have high hopes for your future.

Naoki Ogi, education commentator