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I’m a high school student and I need some advice about my mother.
My school doesn’t have rules against wearing makeup, so I go to school with it on. The other day, my mother told me not to wear makeup or color contact lenses to school.
I think my mother is worried that I might neglect my studies or get stared at by creeps when I go out just because I wear a lot of makeup. I study for my exams and try not to go near any dangerous places.
However, my mother told me to stop wearing makeup because it makes me look like a ditz. Her words hurt me.
My curfew is 8 p.m., which is earlier than those of my friends. I asked her to push my curfew back, but she wouldn’t listen to me.
I talked with my friends about my mother. They said things like, “She’s overprotective” and “Your mother might be a toxic parent.”
She usually cooks for me, and I’m grateful for her. How can I get her to understand me? Am I just being young and thoughtless?
F, Tokyo
Dear Ms. F:
Do you have a part-time job? Do you buy cosmetics and color contact lenses with money you earned on your own? You would also need contact lens accessories, such as cleaning solution. So, you can’t really say these things come cheap.
It’s not just a question of money, though it’s only natural for parents to be concerned about how their children spend money when they’re the ones giving it. They’re not overprotective or toxic parents.
As for the curfew, your mother is just worrying about her daughter as any parent would.
However, I also kind of understand how you feel. When I was around your age, I played the electric guitar in a band. I did it with my monthly allowance, so I couldn’t afford anything extravagant. But I did cut loose from time to time.
My family wasn’t rich and the other band members were careful about spending money out of consideration for me. Since I had a strict curfew, I sometimes had to go home earlier than the others.
I was not the only one with such problems. A keyboard player in the band was forced to quit by their parents because it could have affected their piano lessons. After all, the weight of a piano key is different from that of a keyboard key.
As long as you depend on your parents, there’s no way to completely escape their influence. To what extent are you able to sneak behind your parents’ backs? Your ability to rise above these challenges is being put to test. I don’t think you need to tell your parents everything.
