My Self-Centered Husband Disgusts Me and Is Not Good for My Mental Health

The Yomiuri Shimbun

17:43 JST, February 8, 2026

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a part-time employee in my 40s, and it has become painful for me to spend long hours with my husband.

He is incredibly self-centered and becomes moody whenever things don’t go his way. Our two children and my mother-in-law live with us, and the four of us are constantly walking on eggshells around him.

The other day, I prepared dinner, but he went out drinking.

When I was reheating his meal after he stumbled home drunk, he said: “Look at that annoyed face. I’m only staying with you because there hasn’t been a serious problem between us yet. I have no love left for you.”

His words crushed me completely.

Even though he said he’s only staying for the children, he wants to be intimate almost every night. I’m repulsed by his touch and feel nothing but discomfort.

Of course, there are some good things about my husband. However, whenever I try to talk to him, he loses his temper, yells and eventually gives me the silent treatment.

This is taking a serious toll on my mental and physical health. Is it possible for my husband to change?

N, Wakayama Prefecture

Dear Ms. N:

It seems your husband holds a strong — perhaps misguided — belief that he is entitled to absolute respect, leading him to believe that he can take out his frustrations on his family without restraint. He appears oblivious to his own behavior at home and fails to grasp how his volatility affects his family.

Unfortunately, I don’t think your husband will easily change.

Based on what you said, it seems that you aren’t ready to divorce him yet. If so, the only option you have right now is to try to change yourself.

Try different approaches. For example, minimize the time you spend with your husband; don’t take his words to heart and let them roll off your back; spend more time with your children and mother-in-law; or find things you enjoy doing by yourself.

By doing so, you will essentially be “divorcing” him even though the two of you still live together. If you can treat him more like a distant acquaintance rather than a partner, you may feel less frustrated and disgusted.

By the way, you said that he has some good qualities — what are they?

If you put some distance between you and observe him objectively, you might see him differently. With this new perspective, think about whether you can come to a compromise or if you can’t stand him at all.

Yoko Sanuki, lawyer