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I’m a man in my early 20s. I live with my mother while working part-time.
I was born and raised in a South American country and graduated from high school about four years ago. While I was still at school, my father became seriously ill. I lost the motivation to study as I was busy looking after him, and I gave up on going to university.
After my father died two years ago, my mother and I moved to Japan. At the time, I was going to attend university in Japan.
Since I was not confident in my Japanese skills, last year I took an entrance exam for a university where I could study in English. However, I did not pass the applicant screening.
I still work part-time, but I feel impatient since I don’t have anything else to focus on, unable to take a step forward in the past year.
Even when I spend time on my hobbies, I feel guilty, wondering if I’m avoiding what I should be doing. I feel like I’m not living the life I had expected, nor living up to the expectations of those around me.
I feel frustrated that I cannot take any concrete action to go to university.
— K, Kanagawa Prefecture
Dear Mr. K:
You say you have a dream of going to university, but you cannot take any concrete action to make it happen. It is not uncommon to find a gap between dreams and reality.
Dreams sound special because of the gap. But is studying at university really what you want? It seems to me that you are more concerned with meeting the expectations of those around you, and you are not sure what you want to study there.
However, you were busy looking after your father while you were in high school, and experienced the hardships of being a young carer, which has become a social problem in Japan.
Moreover, after your father’s passing, you had just moved to Japan. I think you have had no time or room in your mind to take stock of yourself. It is natural that you are not sure how you should now lead your life.
It is admirable that you are supporting yourself with a part-time job despite such circumstances. What you need most now is to take it easy and give your mind a break, without worrying about the future.
Why don’t you praise yourself for having nursed and cared for your father, and having been working so hard in a foreign country?
As you are a hardworking man, I’m sure you will be able to move forward as you gradually come to understand Japanese society, understand what you really want to do and what you need to learn to achieve it.
