I’m Fed up with My Unfulfilling Life; ‘Maybe You’ll Just Say I’m Spoiled’

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:05 JST, March 23, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a homemaker in my late 60s. After graduating from university, I worked in an office for six years. I quit when I got married and have lived an ordinary life as a homemaker ever since.

My daughter is a hard worker. She and her husband both have jobs, and she is currently on child-care leave with their second child. I respect and am proud of her.

Everyone around me seems to be working hard, but I’ve never felt like I’ve tried my hardest. I have reached this age without any difficulty.

Thanks to my husband, I’m able to live a good life without having to work hard. I’m grateful to my gentle husband.

I feel very empty inside, as I have been lazy for so long without learning anything. I haven’t grown at all.

I’m not interested in anything and have no hobbies. I’m a very boring person.

My daughter said she gets irritated when talking with me since I’m so negative about everything.

I really envy people who keep themselves busy and stay positive. Maybe you’ll just say I’m spoiled, but what should I do to live a fulfilling life?

— R, Saitama Prefecture

Dear Ms. R:

You’re consumed by regret and self-loathing because you feel like you’ve wasted your life. But I don’t think you’re lazy at all, because you’re seriously wondering how you can live positively.

When thinking about the past, isn’t it better to focus on what you’ve done rather than obsessing over what you’ve been unable to do? You said you’ve lived an ordinary life as homemaker. I think leading a peaceful, everyday life is a simple yet extraordinary thing.

I think that both your husband’s kindness and your daughter’s tenacity were nurtured in the environment that you carefully created day by day.

There is nothing more painful than feeling that your life is worthless. You’re suffering from a sense of emptiness, but I think it’s because you’re once again looking for something you can put your strength into.

Why don’t you channel that feeling into becoming active? I think that will prevent you from having negative thoughts and make you feel better.

How about taking your time to look for things slowly, for something in which your efforts will once again bear fruit? You don’t have to try to do something large perfectly. You can start with small things you can tackle steadily.

— Masami Ohinata, university president