I Am Annoyed by My Overly Meddling Mother

The Yomiuri Shimbun

10:33 JST, September 8, 2024

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a woman soon turning 25. I’m annoyed by my mother, who meddles too much in my life.

Whenever I go out, she asks me, “Where are you going?” and even “What time will you leave and what time will you come home?”

When I travel far for a vacation, I must tell her the departure and arrival times of the Shinkansen services I will use and which hotel I will stay at.

If I don’t tell her, she gets grumpy, letting out a big sigh and noisily setting things down. I find this tiring.

I don’t understand why she gets upset over these things. I understand her questions when I’m traveling with my friends, but I don’t want to tell her which accommodation I’ll be staying at when I travel overnight with my boyfriend.

I’m almost 25. I hope my mother will let me have a little more freedom.

How can I tell my mother, “I don’t want you to ask me all these details,” without offending her?

H, Chiba Prefecture

Dear Ms. H:

Is your mother really that meddling? She allows you to travel overnight, doesn’t she? Isn’t it natural for a parent to want to know the travel plans, such as the schedule and the destination, of their daughter who lives with them when she goes on a trip?

However, you find it bothersome. Of course, it’s only natural to feel upset when your mother deliberately and openly shows her discomfort when you return home.

First, open a conversation with her, explaining specifically what you want from her. There is no magic way of doing this without offending her. You should just tell her your true feelings in a matter-of-fact way.

Parents and children sometimes need to speak up and talk to each other about what they really think. You don’t know what’s in your mother’s heart, do you? The only way that a new relationship can be formed between two people is when they express their feelings to each other.

If you think, “No, I don’t want that kind of emotional clash,” then stay silent and accept things the way they are.

Actually, such restrictions of freedom can encourage you to become independent.

Maybe it is time for you to think about becoming independent, rather than clinging to the restricted freedom inside your home.

I think freedom is something you can attain only when you stop depending on your parents and begin accomplishing things independently as a responsible adult. What do you think?

Tomomi Fujiwara, writer