In My Mid-20s, I’m Frustrated with My Job and Relationships

The Yomiuri Shimbun

12:58 JST, September 1, 2024

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a woman in my mid-20s working as a temp. I constantly feel dissatisfied with my life, particularly my job and love life.

I used to work as a full-time employee. However, I quit my previous company because I was busy to the point of being sick. I also got tired of my job because I had no interest in it.

I decided to join my current employer as a temp because the job interested me and it seemed like a low-stress work environment. The job is fun, and my health has improved.

However, I’ve started to worry about the low salary. In the future, there might be an opportunity to become a full-time employee, but, frustratingly, I don’t know when that will be.

As for my love life, I used to date a man who loved me very much, but we broke up because I got tired of his constant affection. My current boyfriend is slow to reply to my messages, which is nerve-racking and frustrating because I don’t know if he really loves me.

Even though I keep getting what I want, I always end up complaining. I feel disappointed in myself for never being fully satisfied.

C, Kanagawa Prefecture

Dear Ms. C:

It seems that you don’t like how you always have something to complain about when it comes to your relationship and job. Maybe it’s because you’re aspirational and ambitious.

It also seems that you are capable of taking action to improve a tough situation at work and in your relationships.

What I want you to bear in mind is that nothing is perfect, be it a job or a relationship. You need to identify your non-negotiable terms — the things that are absolutely necessary to you — and pay little attention to everything else to a certain extent.

To that end, I think you need to take on a variety of challenges, gain opportunities to meet new people and understand what you are really seeking.

If you only have eyes for the unattainable, you’re going to become more and more frustrated about yourself and your surroundings. At times like that, I hope you try to be grateful for what you have.

You have a job you worked hard to find and a man you really want to spend time with. It would be nice if you could praise yourself for having been through a lot and worked so hard, and say to yourself, “Thank you.”

We come up against all kinds of walls throughout the course of our lives. You’re still young. You’re allowed to get close to feeling discouragement. Accepting that you are weak but never running away is what matters most.

Masami Ohinata, university president