Should I Divorce My Husband, Who’s Struggling with Depression?

The Yomiuri Shimbun

12:02 JST, July 14, 2024

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a company employee in my 30s. I have a 6-year-old child and am currently pregnant with my second.

My husband was diagnosed with depression over a month ago. Now, he’s on leave and has been experiencing headaches as well as other symptoms.

He’s also recently become very irritable and comes down hard on our child, and it’s hard for me to watch.

I work full-time and will soon be going on maternity leave. I’m already worried that our household income will significantly decrease once I go on leave.

Also, when I think about what our life will look like once our second child is born, I’m not sure if I can handle a husband with depression, an infant and an elementary school-aged child all by myself.

Even though I’m doing my best every day to keep going, I’ve started thinking that it might be better for me to get a divorce.

I hate that I feel this way. Please give me some advice.

T, Kagoshima Prefecture

Dear Ms. T:

When a family member who lives with you becomes depressed, it can feel as if they have suddenly become a completely different person. You are probably considering a divorce because you are in so much pain that you want to turn away from your husband.

I sincerely hope that welcoming your baby will help bring smiles back to your family.

However, your first priority should be to have a safe delivery. I suggest that you wait until you regain enough physical and mental strength after giving birth to think about how to best protect your two children and your own way of life going forward.

For your most pressing issues, do not shy away from asking the people around you for help. Talk to your parents, friends and acquaintances about the help you will need both before and after childbirth.

You should also reach out to your local government office or your local child and family support center. Local governments today offer a variety of support measures from housekeeping to dispatching babysitters and taking care of older children.

Your husband also needs more support. Would it be possible to ask your relatives or someone else to help him get the medical assistance he needs? As you are pregnant, it would be too much to take on by yourself.

I think it would just be great if you could reassure your husband by telling him that you’ve made all the necessary preparations for your prenatal and postnatal periods.

Masami Ohinata, university president