My Son and His Wife Won’t Let Me See My Grandchild as Often as I Would Like

The Yomiuri Shimbun

14:49 JST, November 2, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female part-time worker in my 50s. My second son’s wife gave birth to my first grandchild about eight months ago, but I’m feeling upset because they don’t let me see the baby.

They live about 15 minutes from my house by car. I used to visit about twice a month to see my grandchild and would stay for about 30 minutes. I made sure to contact my son in advance before visiting.

However, when I arrived there the other day, my daughter-in-law came to the front door and said, “Our child has just gone to sleep, so please come tomorrow.” I went home without even getting past the door.

My husband has only been able to hold his first grandchild twice, when my son and his wife came to our house. If they lived far away, I could put up with not being able to see my grandchild, but when I think about how quickly children grow up, I get upset.

I’d been looking forward to enjoying the birth of my first grandchild as a family, so I’m deeply saddened by what has happened. What should I say to my son and his wife?

— W, Kanagawa Prefecture

Dear Ms. W:

It’s sad that you’re unable to see your grandchild as often as you would like. I sympathize with you. However, I think you also need to try considering the feelings of your daughter-in-law.

The first eight months of a baby’s life are constantly challenging for any parent. Your daughter-in-law has to deal with the baby crying in the night, breastfeeding, bathing and many other tasks. At a time when she’s grappling with a grueling lack of sleep and rest, I can imagine it being quite stressful to have her in-laws visit when she hasn’t been able to tidy the house.

From your perspective, you were visiting “only twice” a month. But for your daughter-in-law, it might have felt like you were coming “as often as twice” a month. While I think it was extremely rude that you were turned away at the front door, perhaps your daughter-in-law was at her wit’s end and had no option but to do that.

I’m sure your desire to see your grandchild is especially strong because this is your first, but taking care of your daughter-in-law should be the priority. It might be a good idea to invite your son and his wife to your house from time to time and share a leisurely meal with them. Nowadays, it’s also possible to see your grandchild’s face online.

I think that because you live nearby, making an effort to give your son and his wife a little more space mentally will ultimately help you keep an eye on your adorable grandchild for many years to come.

— Masami Ohinata, university president