My girlfriend and Work Are Wearing Me out; ‘I Find Myself Wanting to Just Disappear’

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:00 JST, November 24, 2024

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a male office worker in my late 20s. After graduating from college, I left my hometown to start working.

After more than two years of hard work, I became psychologically ill and took a two-month leave of absence. I’m now back at work on the same team as before, but I’m considering changing jobs, as the working environment is the same as before.

My girlfriend, with whom I’ve been living for half a year, is pushing me to get married and have children. She tells me to stick with my current job because if I change jobs now, we will have to put off having a baby and it will make it harder for her to take maternity leave.

On top of not being able to quit my job, even though it’s not going well, or to think much about the future, I’m being pressured to get married and have children. It’s really tough.

I have no friends around me that I can talk to about how I’m really feeling. I feel trapped. I find myself wanting to just disappear.

I’ve now have limited options in my life. I’m stuck and troubled.

— Z, Mie Prefecture

Dear Mr. Z:

Let’s sort out your problems. First, you took a leave of absence due to a psychological problem caused by continuous hard work. Although you’ve returned to your job, the work environment has not improved.

Second, your girlfriend, with whom you live, is urging you to get married and telling you not to change jobs because it would delay childbirth.

Third, you have no friends to talk to in the place where you currently live.

To begin, I was surprised that you returned to work and the same team after only a two-month leave of absence. Your company did not take your illness into consideration at all, even though it was caused by the work environment.

You should have resumed your work with shorter hours and gradually worked your way back to full time. You also could have requested a temporary transfer. You should discuss this with your doctor and ask them to write a letter to your workplace.

Additionally, you should wait until you are mentally sound before making major decisions in your life, such as getting married. There is no way you can support your wife and children if you cannot stand firm on your own. Tell your girlfriend that you want her to wait. If she refuses, she may not be the right person to have as your spouse. Can you live with someone who cannot understand your suffering?

Anyway, it seems you’re not getting enough rest. Why don’t you make your first homecoming in years and talk with your old friends? I’m sure they have their own problems and pain. Sometimes giving advice to others is a pathway to finding solutions for yourself.

— Hazuki Saisho, writer