My 30-Year-Old Son Lives in a Room Full of Trash

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:36 JST, October 27, 2024

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female company employee in my 50s. I was divorced 25 years ago and currently live in my own house with my daughter and her husband in their 30s, their two children and my 30-year-old son.

I need advice because my son lives in a room full of trash. I have cleaned his room twice in the past, but it quickly goes back to the way it was.

I have found alcoholic drink cans, cigarette butts, cup noodle containers, leftover convenience store food and even PET bottles containing urine in his room. Since he always keeps plates and utensils in his room, I do not cook for him. There is trash on his bed and he also sleeps in the trash.

He declared personal bankruptcy two years ago. Currently, he is a part-time day laborer. I sometimes pay smartphone bills and gas bills for him. He once lied to get money out of me and he has sold other people’s things for money without permission.

I wonder if he is an alcoholic. He buys alcoholic drinks at a convenience store in the morning. I suspect that he drives a car under the influence of alcohol because I’ve found empty cans of alcoholic drinks in his car. It’s no use talking with him and he never agrees to go to the hospital.

— L, Ibaraki Prefecture

Dear Ms. L:

Your son may be an alcoholic. The top priority is to get him diagnosed and into treatment. Your son may not follow your advice to go to a hospital. Therefore, you should first go to a specialized facility and get knowledge and information about your son’s condition.

There must be many people who refuse to go to the hospital for similar reasons. I think such facilities should have methods to get such people to see a doctor, so you should ask professionals about such methods.

You also need the cooperation of your daughter and her family. Taking care of your son is too much of a burden for you to carry alone. You can visit a specialized facility with your daughter from the beginning if possible. The most important thing is for all family members to face your son and support him.

However, it may take some time for him to get better.

Drunk driving is strictly prohibited. You should consider selling his car. You might need to ignore some of the messes in his life to a certain extent, such as the trash in his room. Your family needs determination.

However, your son is 30 years old now. Even if he needs several years of treatment, he is still young enough to make a fresh start.

Do not give up hope. I’m sure your grandchildren will see your family’s efforts.

— Yoko Sanuki, lawyer