My Parents Criticize Me for Changing Jobs Even Though I’m an Adult

The Japan News

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female company employee in my 20s. I left my hometown in the Kanto region to work in the Kansai region, where I got a job after I graduated.

I have been ignoring messages and calls from my parents because I have been annoyed with them for telling me things like, “You should come back to your hometown.”

In autumn last year, during my second year of working for a company, I sought a new job and was offered another position in the Kansai region. When I told my parents that I was quitting my current company, they got really angry with me, saying things like “Why didn’t you talk to us?”

When I was a student, I managed to go on to higher education in line with what my parents told me, even though I felt like it wasn’t for me.

Now that I have become a working adult, I was finally able to leave my hometown and do something that interests me. But I began receiving a series of phone calls and long Line messages from my parents.

I want to maintain a good relationship with my parents as they are important to me. On the other hand, my parents have not financially supported me since I entered the workforce and I don’t want to be criticized for my choices any more. How should I deal with them in the future?


Dear Ms. S:

Ignoring your parents is the same as running away from them, and is not how an independent adult should behave. Your life should be different now, even though you may have lived your life unwillingly listening to your parents.

The best way to resolve this is to meet with your parents in person and tell them what you think. That said, are you afraid that your parents will be unsupportive again? If so, write them a letter.

You need to be thoughtful when writing. In your case, it is better to start with an apology. You should apologize for changing jobs without talking to them and ignoring their messages and calls. This should ease your parents’ stubbornness.

Next, explain your motivation for changing jobs, and write carefully about why you chose your new employer. Your parents’ generation probably feels uneasy about job changes, which these days are seen as career advancement. You need to explain in your own words how a change of job is perceived.

At the end of the letter, don’t forget to say that you hope they will continue to watch over you.

In your letter, show them that you have grown into an adult to alleviate their worries. As you have decided to change jobs on your own, I’m sure you can do it.

Tomomi Fujiwara, writer