• Troubleshooter

My crush rejected me, so should I just focus on looking for a marriage partner?

The Japan News

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a man in my 20s, and this spring, I started my career after six years at university and graduate school.

When I graduated, I told a woman in my lab that I had feelings for her, but she rejected me. She said she never saw me as a man and wants a relationship that will make her heart skip a beat.

I admit that I don’t think I’m particularly charming and I haven’t dated many women. She is also one of the best-looking women in my department, so she might have been a little out of my league. But at the same time, I graduated from a prestigious university and got a job at a major company, so I wonder if I really aimed all that high.

Did I make a mistake at some point in my life? I eventually want to get married and have children. In order to do so, should I go on dates with the purpose of getting married? Or should I just try to find someone to fall in love with?

Considering my specs, I think it would be easier to find a marriage partner than someone who would fall in love with me. However, after being rejected, I started thinking that maybe it would be beneficial to my future if I find someone I love. I hope you can give me some advice.

D, Tokyo

Dear Mr. D:

Thinker Takaaki Yoshimoto said, “Love is something you do, not something you discuss.” However, recently, you have been thinking really hard about it, haven’t you?

When it comes to marriage, it is important to consider your qualities and situation as you’ll have to think about your future and whether your hopes are realistic. However, love has no such restrictions. You liked her, but she didn’t feel the same. Those are just facts. You can’t use your academic background or financial status to control how a person feels about you. It can become dangerous if you think that way.

I’m sure you’ll eventually meet someone new who you’ll like. When that happens, you should tell them how you feel. I think whether you are rejected, or start dating but end up not getting married, both will be memorable and a good experience for you.

When you decide you want to get married, I think it’s fine to look for a marriage partner rather than a romantic one. You might end up finding someone you like. Even if you’re not head over heels in love with them in the beginning, many times, people grow to love their partner. If it doesn’t work out the first time, you can always try again.

Don’t think about it too much. Just be yourself and keep your hopes up, so that one day, you’ll meet someone you love and want to marry.

Masahiro Yamada, university professor