Mother Supports My Sister Too Much, Gives Her Kids Much More Than Mine

The Yomiuri Shimbun

16:00 JST, April 26, 2026

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a part-time worker in my 40s with children in middle and high school. My elder sister and I both have families of our own and live near our parents’ home.

My sister’s household has a lower annual income than mine, and my mother is concerned about them. She therefore buys them household goods and gives my sister’s high school-aged children generous allowances and expensive gifts.

My children, on the other hand, receive no allowances or gifts.

I wish they would just keep all this secret. But my mother and sister are so open about it, and my children don’t know how to react.

The other day, my sister told me, “Mom bought me a cell phone.” Apparently, the bill is being paid under my father’s name, and she doesn’t seem the least bit guilty about it. My sister is an adult with part-time jobs, and she earns more than I do. Honestly, I was shocked.

I love my parents and my sister, but seeing the difference in how we’re treated makes me feel so sad. I’m starting to resent them. What should I do?

— L, Shiga Prefecture

Dear Ms. L:

It seems like both your mother and sister are very easygoing people. They probably take the situation for granted.

It’s a shame they don’t seem to notice how uncomfortable it makes you, but would it really be any better if they were more considerate and kept it a secret? It’s a difficult situation.

Having your parents cover everything, from the cost of the cell phone itself to the monthly fees, does indeed feel like your sister is depending on them a bit too much. Since she is working multiple part-time jobs, your belief that she, as a working adult, should at least pay for that herself is very reasonable. Why not tell them that frankly?

Another concern is that your mother clearly treats her grandchildren differently. She gives your sister’s children generous allowances and expensive gifts, but your children don’t get the same. How do the children feel about this?

This environment, in which grandparents give their grandchildren different things based on their parents’ incomes, risks bringing about unhealthy feelings of superiority or inferiority in the children, doesn’t it? I think you should also clearly convey this point to your mother.

— Yoko Sanuki, lawer