My Fiance’s Parents Dislike Me and My Parents

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:04 JST, November 9, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female office worker in my 20s. I have a fiance, and we have already met each other’s families. He is very close with his family, and I was spending time with his parents about once or twice a week.

My fiance wanted to live together before getting married. When I was at his place while he was at work — about a month before I was supposed to move in with him — he called me and told me his parents were coming over right then.

When they arrived, they bluntly told me that they disliked me and my parents. They said they wanted their son to be happy because they love him so much, but they couldn’t shake their concerns that I’d be a burden to him.

I immediately told my fiance about what happened, and we met with my parents to discuss it.

We still want to get married, but he can’t bring himself to cut ties with his family nor does he want to break up.

As I’ve become more level-headed about the issue, I feel sorry for him. What should I do?

D, Kanagawa Prefecture

Dear Ms. D:

You say you feel sorry for him, but doesn’t his indecisiveness bother you?

A male acquaintance of mine who faced similarly fierce opposition to marriage from his parents declared he would cut ties with them.

However, he conveyed his own resolve while also showing gratitude for his upbringing.

He told his parents: “It’s precisely because you raised me so well that I could choose this woman as my partner. Please trust me. Even if you won’t give us your blessing, I’ll still choose her.”

His parents initially didn’t accept his girlfriend as his partner, so he cut ties with them and married her anyway, just as he said he would.

But when I met him afterward, he said he had a good relationship with his parents after reconciling with them. It seemed that his parents had come to accept them as a couple after they got married.

Of course, we all want to avoid disappointing our parents or severing ties with them. But parents can sometimes lose their sense of reason and common sense out of love for their child. This often happens when they are told about their child’s marriage.

It’s important for us to hold firm to our own convictions and communicate them openly and honestly, particularly when we talk to our beloved parents.

If your fiance cannot do this and just remains indecisive, perhaps you should seriously consider whether you can truly share the rest of your life with such a man.

Masami Ohinata, university president