Living at Home for Maternity Leave, I’m Stressed out By My Mother’s Complaints

The Yomiuri Shimbun

14:40 JST, September 21, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female office worker in my 30s who is currently on maternity leave. My husband was transferred overseas for his job immediately after I gave birth to our first child, so I’m temporarily staying at my parents’ home.

I will be staying here for another three months or so. I like this place and have a good relationship with my parents, but there is a lot of stress in my current life.

The stress comes from my parents often quarreling, my father holding absolute authority so that it is impossible to fight back, and my mother endlessly whining about him.

These issues aren’t new. It’s been like that since I was growing up. Stuff I could tolerate back then has now become an immense source of stress. Is it because I’m married and have my own family now? Or is it the timing, being postpartum?

What mindset should I adopt to live peacefully at my parents’ home going forward?

— M, Nagano Prefecture

Dear Ms. M:

After years of studying family relationships, I’ve noticed something: Everyone tends to think the way their own family operated is the norm.

Even if something feels off, they assume other families are similar and don’t think any further. This is why issues like domestic violence and young carers often remain hidden.

In your case, having started your own family allows you to view your childhood family from the outside, making you more aware of the stress as stress.

I imagine your mother sees you being home as a chance to vent her frustrations.

For now, please treat listening to her complaints as your “assignment” in return for the cost of having her help with childcare. Thinking of it as a short-term assignment will make it bearable.

What’s more concerning is the relationship between your parents after you return to your own house. You might want to consider what actions your mother could take if she can no longer put up with her husband.

— Masahiro Yamada, university professor