I Don’t Know How to Deal with My Grandson, Who’s Lost His Mother

The Yomiuri Shimbun

14:18 JST, June 29, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a woman in my 60s. My only daughter, who got divorced twice and had three children, recently passed away.

I currently live with one of her children, who is a junior high school student.

I remarried, too. However, I live apart from my husband, who is not related to my grandson by blood.

My grandson has always been impulsive and selfish, and my daughter had trouble with him. He doesn’t get along well with me either.

I try my best to be considerate and take care of him, but even small things that I say or do with good intentions are harshly criticized. When I try to give him advice, he gets nasty.

He’s my precious grandson and I love him, so I try not to let his teenage rebellion bother me too much. But I wish he could be a little calmer.

I hope when he turns 18, he’ll live on his own, face various challenges and grow stronger through those experiences.

However, how should I interact with him until then?

H, Kyoto Prefecture

Dear Ms. H:

Your grandson must’ve experienced a complicated family situation through his parents’ divorce and remarriage.

On top of that, he lost his mother. He has to carry a heavy burden at such a sensitive age, which seems to be intensifying rebellious behavior that is typical of adolescence.

On the other hand, you live apart from your husband to care for your grandson, but instead of gratitude, you receive nothing but insults. I can imagine how frustrating and exhausting that is.

However, from your grandson’s perspective, you’re the only person in this world he can rely on. You must already know that his rebellion stems from his emotional dependence on you.

I’m deeply moved by your efforts to remind yourself that he is your precious grandchild and that you love him.

The current situation will not last forever. Many teenagers go through a turbulent phase in their adolescence but grow up to become calm, composed adults. The sense of security that comes from knowing that there is someone who accepts him unconditionally will foster the strength to become independent.

Worrying about the future might lead you to try to control him through discipline and other means. Trust your grandchild and keep looking after him day by day without getting too emotional. That is what is best for both of you.

To do that, it’s important for you to take care of yourself first. Please don’t forget to make time to do things you enjoy and increase the moments of joy in your life.

Masami Ohinata, university president