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I’m a male university student in my late teens. I’d like to ask your advice about my father, who is in his late 50s.
Last year, he quit his job less than a year after getting it. Since then, he hasn’t had a regular job and has been slacking off.
The money my mother gets from her part-time job isn’t enough to cover my tuition, my parents’ living expenses and other monthly costs.
I don’t think my parents will have enough money in the future even if my mother, who is in her late 50s, continues to work after the age of 60 and they receive their pensions. I’m worried about how long we can keep this up financially.
My dad is introverted and has changed jobs eight times. He has had headaches and dizziness, probably due to stress from his personal relationships. He once didn’t work for more than a year with the help of an inheritance from my grandfather and support from my grandmother.
Even though my mom and I tell him we want him to start working as soon as possible, he simply says, “Okay.” He has no sense of how dire the situation is. I want him to work even after he turns 60, even if it’s just a simple job.
I’m on a student loan and live on my own. I’m thinking of working part-time to prepare for the future. What should be done to motivate my father to work?
W, Akita Prefecture
Dear Mr. W:
There are two types of people in the world: One who worries about the future and prepares for unforeseen events, while the other prioritizes taking it easy now, as they think they will be able to deal with anything when it happens.
My late father was the latter. My mother, my brother and I had great financial hardships, but I remember my father enjoying the present without worrying about the future.
No matter how hard you try to persuade a person like him with logic, it won’t work. My father didn’t care about what the people around him said, as he had gained confidence from being able to manage trouble up until that point.
If it were just you and your father, I’d advise you to become self-reliant as soon as possible and sever ties with him. But it’s probably difficult for you to leave your mother behind with him.
I think, if your mother took control of all the money in the household and gave your father an allowance, he might reluctantly start working. Would it be difficult for her to do that?
If so, the only thing left is to regard your father as a child and try to soothe and coax him into working, as stressful as that would be.
That type of person is easily flattered, so he may start working if you say something like, “Dad, it’s amazing how great you are at your job!”
