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I’m a female public servant in my 40s, and I’ve discovered that my younger daughter, who is in the sixth grade of elementary school, has stolen money from my eldest daughter, who is in high school.
I thought it was strange that my sixth grader was buying books and small items that she shouldn’t be able to afford on her allowance. There were many receipts and candy wrappers scattered around her room and in the trash.
When I asked her about them, she lied and told me that her friends gave them to her or that her grandmother gave her money.
She doesn’t tell me what she’s really thinking. When I asked her again why she took the money from her sister and how she used it, she sulked and just said, “I don’t know.” She didn’t apologize to her sister.
It seems she has been annoyed with me because I scolded her about watching too much TV.
I’m wondering if I didn’t raise her properly. My work is related to children, so it’s not easy for me to go to a child consultation center or other similar local facilities.
I don’t have anyone I can go to for help. How should I deal with my daughter?
Q, Kanagawa Prefecture
Dear Ms. Q:
Children often lie and take items from their friends. It’s not unusual for children to do that when they are too young to know right from wrong. But considering your daughter’s age, her case is worrisome.
Your daughter seems unconcerned she will be quickly found out for stealing her sister’s money. She also doesn’t seem to care about leaving receipts out in the open.
I think her behavior suggests it is not some deeply rooted problem, but rather, her ability to differentiate between right and wrong is not as developed as other children her age. It could also stem from her feelings of annoyance and stress toward you.
It’s not too late to resolve this issue. It all depends on whether you can make a change for the sake of your daughter, regardless of your job.
Parents who have jobs related to children tend to be preoccupied with the belief they should be raising their own children without any problems. For that reason, they tend to overlook how delicate their children’s feelings are.
In addition, even if parents try to be attentive to their children’s feelings, it’s hard for them to stay calm when it comes to their loved ones. Parents first tend to feel worried or frustrated, which often ends with them getting angry with their children.
Therefore, I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to a professional.
I understand your difficulties given your job. However, I think your younger daughter will appreciate that you’re doing what’s best for her, even if it means it might hurt you professionally.
Going through such an experience will likely help you with your job in the future.
