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I’m a homemaker in my late 40s. My husband, who is about the same age as me and is a company employee, has always sweat a lot, even when he was young.
As he works the night shift a lot and sometimes doesn’t have time to take a bath, he is constantly worried about whether people around him think he smells bad. I don’t know what to do because his efforts to combat his body odor have become extreme and he now gives off a different kind of strong smell.
He showers twice before going to work and uses scented lotions and antiperspirant sprays. Before work, he sprays scented deodorant on his work clothes and shoes more than 100 times, so they are wet when he leaves the house.
This irritates his skin and does not help with his athlete’s foot. I don’t say anything anymore because he would ignore me or burst out in anger when I pointed it out.
Several years ago, he told me: “My clothes smell bad. You aren’t using enough detergent.” I don’t wash his clothes anymore.
When my husband washes his clothes, he uses large amounts of detergent, strongly scented softener and odor remover, so his clothes reek of these products.
I think it bothers his colleagues, so I hope someone will point it out to him. I’m thinking about getting a divorce because I get headaches and feel nauseous when I smell these scents all mixed together.
A, Tokyo
Dear Ms. A:
We feel unpleasant around someone who smells bad. I wonder what your husband is thinking, as he has not stopped doing the things that cause him to smell this way, even though you have asked him not to do it numerous times.
As you have said, there is no way to make him stop. The more we’re told to stop doing something, the more we tend to feel the need to keep doing it. Unfortunately, it seems like this is the case for your husband.
If your husband is so self-conscious about his body odor to the point that it is causing him stress, you can suggest that he get advice from a medical professional.
Why are you still living with him? I assume there are some reasons that you did not write in your letter. Those reasons might have a strong enough influence that you continue to live with him while dealing with the smell.
If you’re considering divorce, take a moment and think about the reason why.
Then, think about whether it would be better for you to continue living with your husband while putting up with the smell. This way, you can make the best decision for yourself.
