I’m Single in My 30s and I Feel Hopeless about the Future

13:30 JST, February 2, 2025
Dear Troubleshooter:
I’m a pharmacist in my late 30s, and I’ve been fully devoted to work since I graduated college.
Work and hobbies are usually enough to make me feel fulfilled. But I’m single and about to turn 40. I feel like there’s no hope for me in the future.
I’ve tried to find someone to share my life with, to raise a child with, and someone who would support me and who I could support in return, but nothing has led to marriage because the timing just hasn’t been right. Those around me have tried to set me up with people, and I’ve gone to matchmaking parties as well as a matchmaking agency, but none of them have worked out.
I’m wondering if there’s something wrong with me because everyone else around me doesn’t seem to have any problems finding a partner.
When my parents were my age, they were already married and raising a child. My close friends, who I’ve known since my school days, are now raising children while working, but all I have is work. And now, I’ve decided to change jobs because my current workplace is physically demanding.
I know there’s no point in comparing myself to others. I also know it’s better to just enjoy my life. However, I feel hopeless when I think about becoming too old to have a child.
X, Tokyo
Dear Ms. X:
People say you should live how you like. In reality, however, people who choose to be single often find it difficult.
There is still a persistent stereotype that someone attains womanhood only after giving birth. You’re probably acutely aware of what others say about you or might think of you.
However, it is risky to get married and have a baby just because you feel uncomfortable about living a life that is different from your parents or friends.
Even if two people get married because they want to spend their lives together, they will often be faced with something unexpected. That is common in marriage.
Moreover, if you get married just because you want to live the way others do or because you don’t want to be single, you will probably face different types of difficulties in your life.
Everyone has worries, regardless of their lifestyle or marital status. However, if you focus on trying to find fulfillment in your current life, you will feel less uneasy and care less about what others say.
If you focus on enjoying your life, I’m sure you’ll be able to find hope for your future through the relationships you make in the process.
Junko Umihara, psychiatrist
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