I’m at My Limit with My Subordinate’s High-handed, Outrageous Behavior

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:00 JST, September 29, 2024

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a male office worker in my 50s. I have several subordinates, one of whom is a woman who has a high-handed demeanor. I’m having trouble dealing with her.

She is the same age as me. I’m entrusting her with important work since she has been with the company longer than me and has knowledge about the business.

When I had a meeting with her the other day, she said, “It’s the managers’ job to take criticism from their subordinates.” After that, she told me unreasonable things several times.

I’ve put up with this because I want her to enjoy doing her job. But I recently felt like I’ve hit my limit. I talked to my supervisor and said that her words and what she does are getting to me.

My supervisor advised me to write down what she said, and I’ve been doing so. My supervisor says that even if we wish to change the current environment, no other department will accept her because she makes many mistakes, which I also think is true.

I think I have to change myself, but I feel so frustrated.

— N, Kyoto Prefecture

Dear Mr. N:

You are trying to endure your subordinate’s unreasonable words and deeds, but please stop that immediately.

At the same time, it’s also not good to fight back because it may add fuel to the fire.

You must put up a barrier in your mind and keep a psychological distance from this person. For the time being, please think of this subordinate like a robot that automatically makes abusive remarks.

Abuse is not always directed to a subordinate from a supervisor. You may be a victim of abuse.

I understand that you have talked to your supervisor, but I assume you have not formally filed a complaint with the company as a victim of abuse.

If that is the case, you should first follow your supervisor’s advice to take note of what your subordinate says and does.

Then, why don’t you make a formal request to the company to consider measures to prevent her from abusing you?

Please make sure to report her specific words and actions and don’t forget to express your own feelings of frustration at the same time.

Please do not blame yourself.

— Tomomi Fujiwara, writer