My Mother Is Having an Affair. How Can We Get Her to End It?

The Yomiuri Shimbun

14:41 JST, March 8, 2026

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a high school girl. My mother is having an affair with a man she met at a class she attends almost every evening on weekdays.

I found out about this several years ago. I was shocked at the time, but now I feel anger more than anything.

My younger sister, who’s in elementary school, found out about it by accident. I feel so sorry for her and worry that she might have suffered irreparable emotional damage.

I found my mom’s needy, affectionate messages to the man on the Line app, and my older sister and I pressed her about them. However, she just keeps saying, “It’s not that kind of relationship,” and then goes silent.

Our father, who’s really nice, doesn’t know about the affair. None of us want him to find out, so we plan to keep it hidden. We also don’t want to burden our grandmother — our mom’s mom — who is already overwhelmed by caregiving.

We considered confronting the man in question, but we don’t want him to hold a grudge against us. Is there anything we can do to get our mother to stop this affair?

Q, Ibaraki Prefecture

Dear Ms. Q:

The three daughters know about the affair; only their father doesn’t. This must be an extremely tense situation. I’m especially worried about your younger sister.

To be blunt, the more your mother hears your objections, the more she’ll get fired up. If we think in terms of Aesop’s “The North Wind and the Sun,” the Sun approach is the wiser one in this situation.

This means that instead of confronting her and forcing her to end the affair, increase your family time and make your home a comfortable place.

That may be possible on weekends, but weekdays are the challenge. You need to come up with some strategies, since the affair happens every night.

Who prepares dinner? Does your mother prepare meals in advance, or do you all cook and eat together after she comes home?

I don’t know what class she’s taking, but I’ve only rarely heard of classes that run every single day. She might be lying.

In any case, weekday dinners seem key. Why not suggest putting at least one weekday night aside to cook and eat together? If she turns you down, ask her to suggest a more suitable time. Schedule it in advance.

A surprise party would be nice for a celebration like a birthday. You’ll succeed if you can make her feel like she cannot betray her family, especially her children.

Hazuki Saisho, writer